My childhood Christmases were not so good

This blog's Christmas subject started from me having read a book about old tales about gnomes, i.e. of folk tradition connected with life on a traditional Finnish farm with the four seasons determining a lot of life. Such tales bring to one's mind wisdom of life that one would like to learn and cultivate. So I started writing of such wisdom, such skills, but since foreigners did not seem to have similar tale figure, except Christmas gnomes and Christmas elves, I added the word Christmas, but still have continyed writing of all the year. 

But I have just some skills, and haven't had a so peaceful lufe, more like varied and sometimes stuck. So I have felt a need for extra skills, and so I have been able to write about wisdom of life, skills and talents, thinking of a global audience. But my own human relations haven't been so good, and mostly I did not feel the Christmas presents suppirtibg my own likings and especially the colour symbolics have been often wrong, lije dark blue and black instead of the red, white, green etc that I would have liked. Likwwise the Christmas song vudeos and old news films that I manage find, are often not so peaceful and fair, not so nice, but I guess the usual explanation is that one should play and sing Christmas songs oneself at home circles, since only such brings a real Christmas. 

Anyway, the highlight of my Christmases was a visit at the Hietaniemi graveyard in Helsinki on Christmas Eve, with a sea of candles flickering in the twilight like light and thick stone fences, the shapes of old trees above one's head, and the tough charm of that time of the year when there often was a thin layer of watery snow on the ground. There were familues together, a sense of generations, and the grave stones and tge whole place kept by the church, which was a relief after my atheist parents. And at the way home Christmas songs kn the radio, and at home the rest of the Christmas celebration.